Pregnant wife says mother-in-law treats her like a surrogate as if the kid is hers, husband doesn’t care.

Sometimes a mother-in-law can be a little overbearing towards her daughter-in-law, by going out of her way to be the center of attention, even when boundaries have been set to try and avoid conflict, according to a write-up on the Choosing Therapy website. One woman took to a Reddit post to explain her situation involving her mother-in-law

The mother-to-be explains in her post that when she and her husband found out they had a baby on the way, she did not want to tell his mom at first. But since they told her parents, she thought it was only fair to go ahead and tell his mom about the pregnancy.

But she says that they should have waited, stating:

In hindsight, we agree he should’ve waited. The morning sickness has been killer and I basically feel like I’m dying, so I went ahead and scheduled a closer appointment with my doctor to discuss potential anti-sickness medication so that I don’t get dehydrated/malnourished.

My husband updated his mom, keeping a lot of the scarier details out because she has a tendency to dramatically overreact.

She goes on to give examples of how her mother-in-law overreacts, stating:

Well, last night, she called and kept pushing me to go to the ER and get an ultrasound/medication. I told her I already spoke with my doctor and am comfortable waiting until my appointment. Not good enough, she keeps pushing because SHE wants to see the ultrasound. . . . despite me and my husband both firmly saying no, she won’t stop insisting we go to the ER right now.

According to a psychotherapist, sometimes mothers-in-law start thinking about how they will grandparent a child that may conflict with the child’s parents’ style of parenting. But it is important for a couple to be on the same page when setting healthy boundaries with in-laws. The poster does say that her husband does not encourage his mom’s behavior and will talk to her so that she doesn’t have to deal with her.

She goes on to point out another annoyance that she deals with regarding her mother-in-law when it comes to her pregnancy, stating:

She keeps referring to MY child as HER bean. Not once has she referred to my baby as her grandchild or anything else that would be appropriate. She exclusively refers to it as “my bean” or “my little baby” or “my mini me” or “little ‘MIL’”.

And I get it, she’s excited about her first grandchild but this is just so f**king weird to me and doesn’t sit right at all, because my mom’s excited about her first grandchild too, yet has the common sense to know it’s not HER baby.

She also said that her mother-in-law had a side conversation with her husband asking if she will get to keep the baby every weekend, stating “like we’d be okay with that at all.”

What she’s pointed out regarding her mother-in-law’s behavior is no doubt why she says it feels like the mother-in-law is treating her like a surrogate for herself and her son. She mentions that she told her husband that she didn’t want any more contact with his mother until she learns to treat and speak to her appropriately.

The issue with this was she had her husband tell his mom what she said and then his mother started ghosting him. She said this made her furious and that he was devasted that his mother would cut him off over something that is not a big deal, in his mind.

She then voices another concern, stating:

Part of me feels like I’m overreacting to the “my baby” thing, but at the same time, this is the type of woman who would try to make me seem unfit so that she could take my child from me. So, I’m going to go with my gut on this one and have my husband stop it before it goes too far.

She then poses a question regarding whether or not she is wrong in the situation, to which she garnered close to 200 comments.